How to Handle Unsolicited Family Questions About Family Planning

When you’re navigating infertility, the emotional journey can be incredibly challenging. The decision to start a family is personal, and if you're experiencing infertility, it’s often accompanied by the pressure of unsolicited questions from well-meaning—but sometimes intrusive—family members. If you’ve heard, “When are we going to get grandchildren?” or “Why haven’t you started a family yet?” you know just how triggering these comments can be.

It’s not easy to navigate the complexity of family dynamics when you're already dealing with the emotional strain of infertility. These questions often come from a place of love, but they can feel invasive and dismissive of your experience. As a therapist specializing in infertility and maternal mental health, I understand how overwhelming this can be. So how do you manage these comments, set boundaries, and take care of your mental health?

1. Recognize the Pressure, but Honor Your Boundaries

Your family may be excited to see you start a family, but that doesn’t mean it’s their business to know all the details of your journey, especially when dealing with infertility. It’s completely normal to want privacy during this sensitive time. You deserve to decide who you share information with and how much to share.

You don’t owe anyone an explanation. It’s okay to gently set boundaries by letting family members know that you’re working on your own timeline and need space to navigate this process privately. Some women choose to share just enough information to set expectations, while others may choose to keep things entirely private. Whatever feels right for you is valid.

2. Create a Script for Common Questions

In many cases, you might find yourself repeatedly answering the same questions about when you’ll have children or whether you're planning to get pregnant soon. It can be draining, and sometimes, you might just not know how to respond. This is where it can be helpful to prepare a script—an answer that reflects your boundaries, maintains your privacy, and politely addresses the curiosity.

A simple response might be:
"We are focusing on our own journey right now and aren’t ready to share much at this time. We’ll let you know when the time is right."
By having a prepared answer, you’ll feel more confident in your ability to navigate these conversations.

3. Recognize That You Are Not Responsible for Your Parents' Emotional Reactions

One of the hardest things to manage during infertility is the emotional reactions of others—especially your parents. While they may be excited or disappointed by the news that you aren’t ready for children or are struggling with infertility, it’s important to remember: you are not responsible for their emotions.

If your mom or dad is sad that they’re not grandparents yet, that’s not your responsibility to fix. They may need their own emotional support to process their feelings, and that’s okay. Your job is not to manage their sadness or disappointment. If your family members are struggling with these emotions, encourage them to seek therapy to help them process their feelings. Therapy can provide them with the tools they need to cope, just as you are seeking support for your own emotional well-being.

You don’t need to carry that burden on top of your own journey. Your path is yours to navigate, and you don’t need to apologize for it.

4. Decide Whether a One-Time Conversation or Ongoing Support is Best for You

You might find that one heartfelt, direct conversation with your parents or in-laws is enough to set expectations and relieve some pressure. However, if family members continue to push, it may be helpful to have ongoing support to navigate these conversations. Whether you need a one-time strategy or long-term tools to manage family dynamics, therapy can provide guidance and practical advice on how to continue protecting your boundaries while maintaining healthy relationships.

5. Take Care of Your Mental Health

While you’re managing infertility, you’re also navigating a complex emotional experience. It’s essential to prioritize your mental health and emotional well-being. You deserve to have a space where you can express your feelings, feel heard, and develop the skills to handle not only your fertility journey but also the responses of others. Therapy offers a space for you to explore your emotions and develop the tools to handle difficult conversations and situations.

Take the Next Step: Schedule Your Appointment Today

You deserve support that’s tailored to your journey. If you're struggling with the emotional weight of infertility and managing family pressure, I’m here to help. Together, we’ll explore strategies to help you set boundaries, protect your mental health, and navigate your journey with confidence.

I offer counseling for women in Phoenix, Seattle, Boston, Providence and beyond, specializing in infertility, IVF, and maternal mental health. Schedule an appointment today to start taking care of yourself and your emotional well-being.

READ MORE:

• When to Stop IUI and Move to IVF

• Invited to a baby shower when you have infertility? Here’s how each zodiac sign RSVPs 

• Patience During Infertility Treatment: Finding Calm Through Nature’s Timeless Wonders