Learning to Take Up Space: Reclaiming Your Voice in Relationships
Many women experiencing infertility carry a deep-seated belief that their struggles are "too much" for others to handle. This belief often comes from a long-standing pattern of not wanting to burden others, or the fear that their emotional needs might be seen as excessive or "negative." If this resonates with you, know that you’re not alone—and it’s completely normal to feel this way.
However, your emotions and experiences matter. Just because you don’t want to overwhelm others doesn’t mean you have to shrink back and keep your pain to yourself. The techniques mentioned above—like assessing your relationships, clearly expressing your needs, and checking in with others—can help you learn how to take up space in a way that feels safer and more in alignment with your boundaries.
Here’s how these techniques can specifically help you feel more comfortable asking for support and taking up space, even if it’s outside of your comfort zone:
Reframe the Narrative: Start by shifting your inner dialogue. You’re not a burden for having needs, and your pain deserves to be shared. It can help to remind yourself that your emotional well-being is important—and it’s okay to take up space in your relationships. Saying to yourself, “My feelings are valid, and I deserve support” is a small but powerful way to begin changing the narrative about what it means to ask for help.
Start Small and Build Comfort: If you’re used to holding back, consider starting with smaller requests for support. This might look like sharing a brief update or saying, “I’m feeling a little overwhelmed today, would you mind just listening?” as opposed to a deeper, more vulnerable conversation right away. By gradually opening up, you can build your comfort and trust in the process without feeling like you’re asking too much at once.
Practice Self-Compassion: Taking up space doesn’t mean you’re being selfish; it means you’re practicing self-care. Remind yourself that asking for support doesn’t diminish your worth or the value of the relationship—it strengthens it. Self-compassion is key in learning to lean into your needs, rather than constantly worrying about what others might think.
Embrace Your Emotional Range: Infertility can stir up a wide range of emotions—anger, sadness, joy, hope, frustration—and it's okay to express all of it. When you’re able to openly share your full range of emotions, you demonstrate that your humanity is complex, not one-dimensional. Giving yourself permission to express yourself fully, without editing or minimizing, helps you take up space with more authenticity.
Set Intentional Boundaries with Yourself: It’s not about forcing yourself to share everything at once; it’s about giving yourself permission to take up space in the conversations that matter most. Boundaries can be a way to protect your energy while also ensuring you're heard when it counts. For example, you might tell someone, "I’m not up for talking about everything right now, but I’d love to share what’s been on my mind." This way, you take space when it’s necessary, without overloading yourself or your support network.
Affirm Your Right to Be Supported: Lastly, remember that the people in your life want to help you. Often, they don’t know how to be there for you unless you let them in. By using these techniques, you create the space for your loved ones to show up in a way that feels good to both of you, reducing the fear that your needs will drive people away. It’s an ongoing process, but each time you take up space, you reinforce your right to be supported, without feeling like you're taking more than you deserve.
Learning to take up space in your relationships—especially during a challenging time like infertility—can feel like a major step outside your comfort zone. But remember, you don’t have to go it alone, and you don’t have to do it perfectly. With each conversation, you’ll build more trust in yourself and others, ultimately creating deeper, more resilient connections.